Thing
by Petchricor
Summary: One word can cause Joker so much fury *rated T for swearing*


**Just played the first two games over again, now starting on the third one for the first time (gonna be awesome). Not sure when this is set, but it doesn't really matter.  
**

 **Anyway, enjoy~**

* * *

"Jeff." Joker looked away from his console as EDI address him, humming a bit to single that he had head her. The AI's hologram shimmered, something he noticed she did when she was thinking, though he wasn't sure why. He raised a brow. "Would you consider me a thing?" Joker blinked, taken aback by the question, but then his confused expression morphed into a frown.

"What? No, of course not! What makes you ask such a dumb question anyway?" In retrospect his reply had been a bit snappish, but Joker didn't like the idea that EDI had the impression that he saw her as an object when she clearly wasn't. No object could be nearly as intelligent and motherly as EDI was. Joker's frown deepened when EDI didn't reply right away.

"Sorry. I wont ask again," her reply was curt and dry. EDI's voice wasn't usually very expressive but Joker had learned to pick up the subtle tones she emitted when speaking and right now he was picking up pain. His frown let up into an apologetic expression.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped I just...really don't like the idea of you thinking I see you that way. Now, why do you ask?" Joker was sure to keep his tone sincere and calm, not wanting to crack and joke and make her think he didn't mean it, he had a habit of fucking up conversations that way. As before the AI didn't reply right away and Joker frowned a bit. "EDI? What's wrong?"

"The inspector sent by the Council for the ship mentioned that he was uncomfortable having me onboard, that is all," EDI answered without any indication of emotion at all. Joker's hand froze over the console as he took in the answer. He turned his chair to face EDI's hologram, expression blank.

"And he called you a thing?" EDI didn't reply but Joker didn't need one to know he had hit the nail on the head. He whipped the chair around and gripped the armrests. "All right, that's it, I've had enough of this jackass!" Joker pushed himself to his feet and limped out of the cockpit.

"Jeff!" EDI called after him, but Joker was already halfway to the middle of the CIC deck and he wasn't about to head back just because EDI was worried about his legs, he'd be fine. That stupid inspector had insulted the majority of the crew, including Joker himself, mocked the enhancements they had made, called the ship 'a piece of junk', and now he had the audacity to call EDI a thing. Joker was going to have words.

"HEY!" Joker shouted as he entered the meeting room, getting a pair of heads to turn to face him. Shepard looked concerned, since Joker had hardly ever left the cockpit and he looked ready to tear limbs off, and the turian inspector looked really confused. "Did you call EDI a thing?"

"You mean that joke of an AI you have on this ship?" the turian huffed, unamused. "Yes, I did." Jeff narrowed his eyes.

"You son of a bitch," Joker hissed at him. "You insult the crew, mocked my ship, and now you have the audacity to call EDI a thing?!" Shepard narrowed her eyes and turned to face the angry turian inspector.

"You insulted my crew?" she snapped, getting him to turn to face her. "Mocked my ship and my AI? EDI, is this true?" The AI's hologram appeared in the middle of the table.

"Yes, Commander, it is," EDI almost sounded embarrassed, if that was at all possible, by Joker's actions. The turian make an appalled noise, his expression fitting it perfectly, and he looked ready to defend himself, but Shepard wasn't having it.

"Get off," she snapped, catching him by surprise. The Commander rested a hand on her pistol. "Nobody insults my ship or my crew, let alone both, and gets away with it. Now, get off my ship!" Without words the turian left, but not without deliberately rubbing shoulders with Joker, who flipped him off before the doors closed. "Real mature, Joker." Joker turned to Shepard with a huff, folding his arms.

"Nobody insults my ship and gets away with it," he grumbled out before turning around and heading back to the cockpit. As the doors hissed shut behind him Joker smiled, hearing the Commander laugh from behind them. He liked it when he got her to laugh, the poor Commander needed to smile now and again.

"That wasn't necessary, Jeff," EDI commented as the pilot carefully sat himself back down into his seat. He turned to face the hologram with an insulted look, already working up a comeback in his head. "However, I am grateful." Joker blinked at the genuine happiness in the AI's voice, he got the feeling she would be smiling if she could. Joker smiled at her and turned the seat to face the console again.

"Nobody calls my AI a thing and gets away with it," he said decidedly, leaning back in his chair with a smirk.

"Your AI?" EDI asked, sounding both indignant and curious at the same time. Joker laughed a little and looked over his shoulder at the hologram that was looking at him. Well, that line was pointed at him so he figured that's what it meant.

"Yeah, mine. Problem?" he raised a brow, making the single most sarcastic expression he could manage.

"No, I suppose not," EDI spoke with a chuckle in her voice, which made Joker grin from ear to ear. "What?"

"I made you laugh! HA! Score!" Joker threw his arms up in the air with a light whoop. He put them back down and turned to the hologram that was staring at him in an intense silence. He turned to face the console. "Ok, I'll get back to work now."

* * *

 **And that's a wrap!**

 **Thanks for reading, please review and have a bow chicka bow wow day~**

 **Petchricor, QotG, signing off ;)**


End file.
